It has finally happened. I have reached a breaking point. I spent the last 1/2 hour in the bathroom just crying it out. The stress of all of the things we are juggling, and have been juggling, since the spring time has finally caught up to me. I have been so good, positive, going with the flow, trying soooooo hard not to over stress about the things that are out of my control... but I hit a wall this past week. Here is my quick vent to get it off my chest.
1. This house! Selling this house is going to break me down. It's like a snow ball affect and we can't take the first step towards progress until we sell this house. Simply put...
-we have to keep our house clean constantly
-that means this exhausted 27 week pregnant mommy has to spend most nights cleaning and organizing the house after Ryan goes to bed
-because it always needs to be clean and ready to show (you never know when someone will come see the house), I can't do any of the projects I want to do
-I can't start cleaning, purging, or packing until after we sell because we all know the process of doing these projects makes a huge mess with lots of junk before it actually looks clean
-I also can't set up a nursery. Same thing as above.... if we start this project of moving furniture, painting, moving the office into our bedroom, etc. etc. the house will be a disaster for a while... and that is not a going to help us sell any faster. Plus what is the point of putting this time and effort into setting up a new nursery if our goal is to be moving into our new house shortly after the baby is born.
The fact that our deadline is slowly ticking closer makes me nervous and anxious... we don't exactly have a plan for what will happen if we don't sell (they are breaking ground on the new house this week!!!).
The fact that I can't set up a nursery and start putting together my baby stuff kind of makes me sad... that's one of the fun parts about preparing for a new baby, and it makes it feel real!
And the fact that its out of my control makes me crazy! I am trying to be patient, I pray every day, I put out positive vibes every time we get a new showing... but so far nothing. I hate that I can't do something to be more proactive. We already lowered the price, made some cosmetic changes, de-cluttered.... you know all of the things they tell you to do if you want to sell fast.
Uggghhhh I could go on and on, but I think I made my point. Selling a house, with a 2.5 year old, while very pregnant, with a specific deadline IS NOT FUN.
Ok breath Shannon!
2. To add to the pressure, this past weekend was one of the biggest work events I have ever planned. I was the main coordinator of a BabyLife Expo. We started working on this almost a year ago. It was a year of planning, trial and error, coordinating people/speakers/vendors, creating budgets, starting up a non-profit organization...and the actual expo finally took place on Saturday. So on top of all of my other stresses, the past 2 months of work have been insane. I am doing way more hours, coming home with piles of work, and literally thinking about Baby Expo details 24/7.
It went pretty well... as always with a first event there were great aspects and some areas that need to be improved. But overall I was happy with they day... exhausted but happy.
3. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with my "pre-baby" to do list. There are so many things I want to do, figure out, plan ahead, prepare, blah blah blah... I guess normal nesting feelings.... but I just don't have the time or the energy. Between the house stresses and the work stresses, I don't have it in me to spend time concentrating on what's really important to me. So instead of feeling excited, its making me feel overwhelmed.
4. And add to the mix, Mike's company just got officially bought out by another big company. After 8 years of a being 100% loyal and having a reliable salary with benefits, he is suddenly unsure of his future. He has to re-interview to keep his same position later in the month. We really have no idea what to expect... this could lead to great things and new opportunities, or it could lead him to the unemployment line. Yet again, timing couldn't be better with a baby and a new house on the way.
5. Last but not least MONEY. The stressed of money, our budget, the extra expenses, and keeping it all together is wearing me down. I know, I know... everyone is facing the same issues, but its been a rough year. Both Mike and I are extremely organized, so we are on top of every dime we spend. But the constant effort and worry is exhausting (and I won't even get started on my maternity leave... or lack there of... concerns).
I guess that sums up my mini melt down. I'm pregnant, tired, stressed, and generally have a 1000 pounds of pressure on my shoulders. I'll cry about it today, but tomorrow its time to go back to "go with the flow, don't get upset, everything happens for a reason, it will all work out" Shannon.
Again, just breath!