The Taynors

The Taynors

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Great Weekend

Recently my posts have been about the difficult times, so today I'm going to change that up and post about the great weekend I had.  Today is my 2nd anniversary with my husband.  It's amazing how much life has changed in the past two years! 

On Saturday morning, my mom and I took Ryan to walk in the Save the Barnegat Bay 5K.  This race donates a portion of its proceeds to Mitochondrial Disease.  Since my 2 youngest cousins both suffer from Mitochondrial Disease, I try to do whatever I can to support their cause.  It was a beautiful morning to walk around the bay for this  great cause.  Then Mike took Ryan for part of the afternoon so I could go and get a facial!  It was so wonderful to get pampered and relax for an hour or so.

On Saturday night Ryan had his first sleep over with Gigi and Pops.  My parents volunteered to take him overnight so that Mike and I could celebrate our anniversary and get a good nights sleep.  We really did have a great time.  We went to dinner at Atlantic Bar and Grill, which is a great place right on the beach in Seaside Park.  It was soooo nice to split a bottle of wine and enjoy each others company.  Since this was my big night out, I didn't want to go home right after dinner, so we went to a bar for a drink.  And after all of this, we did go home and get a good nights sleep!  We even slept until 8am!

Then today, Mike did some projects around the house so I took Ryan to the beach for the first time.  It was a BEAUTIFUL day.  We didn't go for long, but Ryan napped peacefully in his stroller the whole time we were there!

We ended the nice weekend with some Mrs. Walkers Ice Cream in front of the TV.  I feel refreshed and ready to take on the upcoming week!

To top it all off, one of my best friends had her baby yesterday.  Brooklynn was born around noon and everyone is doing great.  I can't wait to go meet her this week!  Welcome to the world Brooklynn and congrats to Kelly and Jeff.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Still Overwhelmed

I'm sure I talked about this right when Ryan was born, but here is an update.  I am still totally overwhelmed by the challenges of being a mom.  Ryan is still a difficult baby.  Dr. Sears would describe him as a "high need" child.  After 16 weeks, 3 1/2 months, things are only slightly better. 

I wake up feeling exhausted because he does not sleep well at night and wakes up for the day super early.  Then Mike leaves for work and a feel a sense of panic because I have no idea what the day has in store.  Then Ryan and I go about whatever we need to do for the day, but it never goes smoothly.  By 9am we normally have already experienced Ryan's first total melt down of the day.  He shows signs that he is tired but refuses to go to sleep.  Normally he will just fuss and cry all the way through nap time until we get to his next feeding time.  The idea that he will eventually cry himself to sleep does not apply to Ryan.  Nursing always soothes him and then we have a short gap of happy baby before the craziness begins all over again.  This continues all day because Ryan does not sleep.  The longer he goes without a nap, the worse he gets.  I'm not just talking a moderate cry... I'm talking an all out scream.  One that makes him turn bright red and start choking because he is crying so hard.  By mid afternoon I attempt taking him on a car ride because sometimes that will calm him down enough that he will take a short nap.  We get in the car with no place to go, I just know that we have to go somewhere.  By time Mike gets home, we take turns trying to make the cranky baby happy until its time for bed.  He then SCREAMS through his bedtime routine.  Thank God nursing calms him down, and at this point he is finally so exhausted that he does go to sleep.  At this point I finally have time to relax or spend time with Mike, but I am normally so wiped out from the day that I just want to go straight to bed.  Plus I never know when Ryan will wake up again, so I need to sleep when he sleeps. 

Since Monday-Friday plays out like this, I am feeling totally out of sync with everything else in my life.  I have stopped working out because he doesn't sleep long enough for me to get in the work out. It takes me over a week to wash and fold a load of laundry.  I start the week with a to-do list of 10 things on it and am frustrated when its Friday and I have only completed 2 things.  I feel totally disconnected from my friends because no one wants to spend time with a colicky baby or an exhausted cranky mom.  I miss taking a shower and getting ready every day, I miss cooking a healthy meal, I miss spending time with Mike, and I miss looking forward to going out with friends on a Friday night to unwind from the week. 

To top it all off, I am STILL not completely healed from my tearing and episiotomy.  I was back at the Dr today to see what was going on and apparently I have not healed correctly and I have scar tissue that is causing a problem.  The Dr did a little procedure today in the office to help that scar tissue to heal.  My fingers are crossed that this works because she said the worst case scenario would be cutting me back open and re-stitching the whole area!  Needless to say I am still very uncomfortable and I am 16 weeks PP and still have not had sex!

I know this is all part of motherhood, but I'm totally wiped out.  Luckily weekends are better.  Its great having Mike around to help with the responsibility.  It also gives me a chance to leave the crying for an hour or two and get some things done.  And for some reason, Ryan is a better baby on the weekends.  I think this is because we are more active on the weekends.  We go to parties, visit with the grandparents, walk the boardwalk, and try to do whatever it is we would be doing if we didn't just have a baby.  So Ryan takes more naps in the car and stroller and has lots of people who are constantly paying attention to him.  People have even described Ryan as being "so happy and content" on the weekends. I really look forward to the weekends!

I know (hope) that it will eventually get better.  I follow the blog "Baby Rabies" and her first child was very similar to Ryan.  It helps to read about other mothers who have gone through the same thing.  So thank you Baby Rabies mother for sharing your story with me and giving me hope that it will get better.  And thank you for being brave enough to have a second child, which turns out to be an angel baby.  It gives me hope that if I ever decide to have another baby (right now I feel like that will never happen) there is a chance I too can have an angel baby. 

Here is to hoping that 4 months will bring out the wonderful, happy baby that I know is in there somewhere!

Going Back to Work...Total Panic!

I have the "perfect" job for a working mom.  I am a teacher.  I have weekends, holidays, and summers off.  I get to stay home on snow days.  I am "off" by 2pm.  Well I am currently feeling like that is all a bunch of bull and I am in a total panic about going back to work in September.  Right off the bat, I feel guilty to complain about working.  I understand that I am lucky to have a job that offers a salary and benefits with the economy the way it is today.... but that does not make me feel any better.

First of all, even before the birth of Ryan, I don't really like my job.  I teach high school English and Business (I know its a very strange combination).  The high school kids are getting worse by the year, the expectations on teachers is becoming much more unrealistic, and the work load it out of control!  I love the people I work with, but I really am starting to hate my job.  I left in January for my maternity leave with a very bitter taste in my mouth.  I had hoped it would fade away during my 6 months off, but instead it has gotten even worse.  I DREAD SEPTEMBER.

Before Ryan, a normal work day was like this: Get up at 4:45am to get ready for work.  Leave the house by 6am and the very latest.  Work my ass off at school from 6:30 am - 2 pm.  But just because its 2pm and the students have left, does not mean my work day is over.  Normally there is a meeting, after school help, or conference til around 4.  Then I need to find the time to do all of my prep work, photo copies, grading, lesson plans, parent contacts, etc.  See what people don't realize is that there is absolutely NO time in a school day to complete any of those tasks.  I actually TEACH STUDENTS all day long.  So there are many nights that I don't stop working til 5, or 6, or even 10pm and I spend several hours on Saturday or Sunday doing my personal homework.  I know part of the problem is that I am an English teacher which means I have a hell of a lot more reading and grading to do than other subject teachers, but there is nothing I can do to change that now.  I have no idea how I am going to handle that work load along with all of the responsibilities of being a mother!

Another issue that has me an emotional wreck these days is that I don't want to spend all of that time away from my baby boy!  As you know, these first couple of months have been very challenging (Ryan is a challenging baby for sure) but things are very slowly getting better.  I feel like by time he is happy and enjoyable to be around is going to be the same time that I have to leave him.  It breaks my heart that other people are going to spend all of that time with him.  I want to be the one that gives him his solid foods and figures out what he likes and doesn't like, I want to be the one that takes him on walks and introduces new things, I want to be the one that witnesses all of the amazing changes that are going to take place over the next several months.  I am his mother!!  I HATE the idea that I will leave for work in the morning before he even wakes up and I will only be home to spend a couple of hours with him at night before bedtime.  Someone tell the hell am I going to do that?!

Even if I loved my job and was okay with being a working mom... there is still another issue that has me stressed.  Childcare arrangements.  We are lucky to have several family members who are willing and able to help so that Ryan does not have to go to day care.  As of right now he will be spending 2 days with my mom, 2 days with my aunt, and 1 day with Mike's mom.  I personally think that schedule is the problem.  Everything I have read about childcare, getting babies to nap, helping them thrive, etc. states that babies need consistency.  Well Ryan is going to have no consistency at all with this current plan.  He will be spending his days with 3 different people, with 3 different schedules, and 3 different "parenting" styles.  This really makes me nervous.  And on top of all of this, Ryan is a fussy, cranky, needy, high maintenance baby...he needs a routine!  If he continues to be the way he is now, I have no idea how my aunt is going to be able to take care of her 9 month old granddaughter and Ryan at the same time.  Or how he is going to be able to take the 1 hour drive up to my mother in-laws house on her days.  I just feel like this is going to be a disaster.

Bottom line is that I am scared, upset, nervous, and just an emotional basket case about returning to work.  By time we reach September, I will probably need to be put in an institution!  I am open to any suggestions that will help me get through this and I pray every night that something magical happens that allows me to stay home with my boy!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011


Here are some other topics that are on my mind these days.  I could probably write about each topic in more detail but any extra time I have these days needs to be spent sleeping.

*Ryan is losing his hair!  He is almost completely bald on top, but don't worry he still has a really great mullet in the back.  I know babies can get bald patches, but this hair loss is intense.  The good news is that the cradle cap is starting to get better.  I'll have to post pictures soon.

*Ryan's eczema is getting really bad.  I can tell he is very itchy and believe it is one of the things disturbing his sleep.  He has red patches all over his legs and arms and he is frequently scratching himself til the point of bleeding.  We are currently working on making him more comfortable.

*Most parents are super excited when their child rolls over for the first time.  Not me.  Now that he rolls, we can not swaddle him.  I really really miss the swaddle and the good night sleep we would all get because he was swaddled comfortably. RJ's arms really have a mind of their own!

*We have the Boyle Family Golf Outing on Saturday and I can't not wait!  It will be my first real day away from Ryan, but I am looking forward to a day in the sun, playing golf and relaxing. 

*I am in a total panic about going back to work in September.  More about this topic coming soon. 

*On a very sad note, we lost a very good friend of the family this week.  Patti lost her battle with cancer after a very long and courageous fight.  She was like part of the family and we are all devastated to have to say goodbye to her this week.  I am happy that she was able to meet her grandson, we will all make sure he knows all about her as he is growing up.  Kelli- please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you through this terrible time.  We love you!

* Lastly, I have the very best husband in the world.  I love him very much and feel so lucky to have him as my partner in this new parenthood adventure.  I have not been easy to deal with recently (I'm totally sleep deprived, stressed, and cranky) and he is doing his best to stay patient and be very supportive.  So happy first Father's Day to my wonderful husband. 

Still Crying...

Ryan is still not sleeping well and he is still CRYING a lot of the time (he is currently 15 weeks old, 3 1/2 months). Lots of people try to give suggestions as to what would calm down their babies, unfortunately most of these suggestions do not work. So for anyone who is interested in what makes him cry, here you go (of course this is not every minute of every day, but when he is in a crying mood none of these things will calm him)...

He cries when he is over tired and cries when he wakes up. He cries when he is hungry, while eating, and when he is finished. He cries when he is bored and when he is overstimulated. He cries in his swing, bouncer, playmat, and pack n play. He cries when I snuggle with him, when I rock him in his chair, and cradle him in my arms. He cries during tummy time and cries when he rolls over. He cries in his car seat and cries when I take him out of his car seat. Bottom line... everything and anything can make him cry. Some days there is absolutely nothing I can do to make him happy.

BUTTTTT just when I am so frustrated and don't know how I'm going to make it through the day, he will stop crying and look up at me with the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. Those smiles make all of the frustrations just melt away. I love my little man!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

3 months

Ryan-I feel like I just wrote your 2 month update and here we are at the 3 month mark. This has been a big month for you. First of all we were very busy. We celebrated my first Mother's Day, attended Megan and Matt's college graduations, went to Ocean City for our first family vacation, threw Kelly a baby shower, had our first pool party, and we had your Christening. Luckily you have shown some good improvements so we were able to enjoy most of these events. The crazy man crying is getting to be more controlled... I'm starting to figure you out! Most of the time when you get to the point of out of control crying, its because you are over tired. I am enjoying this happier Ryan! Here are some highlights (and a few lows) of the month:

*You smile and interact with us much more.
*You are 13 pounds- 50% on the growth chart.
*You are enjoying your visits to the chiropractor.
*You are still an awful sleeper- You do not take naps during the day unless you are in a moving car, putting you to bed can take up to two hours, and you still wake very frequently all night long. Hopefully this next month will bring a better sleeping baby!
*You love to lay on your back and watch the world around you.
*You still do not like tummy time, but we are really working on it.
*You are starting to reach for things, but can't really grab them just yet.
*You are a very hungry boy, you love to be nursed!
*You are a little Houdini and can escape your swaddle, so you are now learning to sleep without it.
*You had your first ear infection and cold this month, it was sooo sad to see you sick.
*You love to move around... whether its just walking around on my to see whats going on or dancing around to music, you enjoy movement.
*You love your hands. You stare at them all day and seem interested in what they can do.

and your biggest accomplishment of the month:
*You can roll from your back to your front already! This is super advanced haha!

Your dad and I love you very very much and enjoy watching you grow each day!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Health Talks- Supplements

I have started to go to the chiropractor again (the one I take Ryan too).  My back has really been feeling pretty good, but I like the idea of improving my overall health.  I know that my posture and strength has changed due to pregnancy and I think going to the chiropractor will help get me back to my pre-pregnancy body.  One thing I like about my chiropractor is that if feels more like a wellness center.  Dr. Rob is not concerned with just adjusting you and sending you on your way, but he really takes the time to get to know you and your overall health concerns.  He took the time right from the first session to discuss my back, health, and any other physical issues that I am having.  He also does health talks every Tuesday night on different topics (Eat Well, Think Well, Move Well, Be Well).  I decided to go this past Tuesday and see what it was all about.  I am going to write about each of the health talks on this blog so that I have a place to come back and review what I learned. The topic was Supplements.

*One intersting thing I learned that I never thought about is to be careful where you purchase your vitamins from.  Its easy to just go to the grocery store and buy any multi vitamin, but its worth taking the time and really researching the product before buying it.  A company that is going to spend all their money on marketing, might not spend as much time and money on really developing the best product.  Its a good idea to always go to the health food store first.  There you can ask tons of questions and really find the healthiest vitamins and minerals.

*You do not have to take vitamins every single day.  Its almost better to take them randomly and a few times a week.  The reason being is that if we were really getting the vitamins from nature in what we eat, we would not be getting the same vitamins daily.  One day we may consume more fiber and Vitamin C but the next day we may have more Calcium and B12.  So random is good.

*We should alll try to take vitamins or supplements with food that is similar to that vitamin.  Taking Vitamin C with a glass of organge juice will work much better than taking taking it with a cup of coffee. 

*A general rule of thumb when eating is to avoid white foods (sugar, milk, salt, white flour, cigarettes, etc).  These are the foods that will really cause harm to your body.  Instead we should replace them with agave, almond milk, sea salt, whole wheat and whole grain products.  I can make this change with all the categories except for milk.  I am a milk drinker so switching to Almond Milk will be a lot of work.

*Cutting out fats is not the best way to lose weight or be healthier.  Every cell in our body needs fat to function properly.  Instead eat good fats and lots of fruits and vegetables and you will be much healthier.  Avoiding over processed, factory created foods is a better option than going on a low fat diet. 

*Some vitamins or supplements that everyone should be taking regularly are Omega 3 Fatty  Acids, Probiotics, and CoQ10.  Omega 3's can be found in leafy plant foods, flax seed, and in fish.  The probiotics are good germs that help with digestion, and CoQ10 produces energy and antioxidants.  Taking these is a great place to start, but there are sooo many more things we can be taking (through vitamins and our food) that will help us live a longer, healthier life.

*Using spices like pepper, chili powder, cinnamon, curry, fennel, nutmeg, and ginger will not only make the food taste better but it will help our metabolism and our overall health.  No more table salt!

*When choosing whether to buy organic food or not, it is more important to choose organic meat over organic vegetables.

I think thats about it from this health talk.  It was really a half hour packed with good information.  I am really looking forward to going to another one soon.  I just figure that its a good time in my life to re-evalutate how I want to live.  This has been a really rough year with the loss of 2 very important family members, so we have all learned that life is short.  I want to do the best I can to live the best life possible. 

On a side note- I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight and feeling great.  I have been working out with Ciri twice a week (she kicks my butt) and then trying to do some kind of physical exercise at east 3 other days.  Some times that may only be a walk on the boardwalk with Ryan, but at least I'm moving.  I even felt brave enough to put on a bikini this weekend! So here is to a happy, healthy, fun summer!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Newest Sleep Adventure

I guess because Ryan is a bad sleeper, many of my blogs are going to be about sleep.  We were doing soooo good.  For at least 3 weeks, Ryan would go to bed around 7:30 and sleep til between 3-4 am and then go back to sleep until sometime between 6 and 8.  It was great.  I enjoyed that it was fairly predictable... I could get a few things done after he went to sleep, go to bed around 10 and know I would get a solid 5 hours of sleep before he woke for the first time.  But all of a sudden things have changed and we seem to have reverted back to the way he was at 6 weeks old.  Now he wakes up randomly, anytime from 9pm, 1am, or every hour all night long.  I do think he is going through a growth spurt, but this has lasted for the past 2 weeks.

And as if we were not having enough fun trying to get Ryan to sleep, we have been presented with another challenge.  Ryan was sleeping so well because he likes to be swaddled all tight with his arms in the swaddle.  Well as of 2 nights ago Ryan has figured out how to roll over from his back to his front when in his swaddle.  I guess because his arms are not out to stop him, he kind of log rolls onto his stomach.  The problem here is that he does not have the strength or the arms to push himself over so he ends ups with his face smashed against the mattress.  Luckily the two times this happened, he cryed hysterically to wake me up.  But now we can no longer swaddle his arms in for safety reasons. 

Sooo on top of his frequent wakings, we have to deal with a baby who can not settle himself to sleep.  Ryan is VERY restless to say the least and he is always waking himself up by flailing his arms and legs around.  Last night he woke up at 1 am.  I fed him and when he was drowsy I laid him back down.  He flailed his arms, legs, and head around for 2 hours!!!  Every time he was close to dowsing off, he would twitch his arms and wake himself back up.  By time he finally fell asleep, he only stayed asleep for about and hour before he woke up to eat again.  Then we had to repeat the whole long process of settling back to sleep again.  By time 8 am came around, I had only slept for 4 hours and I felt like a walking zombie.  I also feel so bad for my sweet boy because I can tell he is just exhausted but can't figure out how to let himself fall asleep. 

I have no idea how long this is going to continue, but I hope he learns how to sleep better soon.  Both mommy and baby desperatelly need things to get better so that we can be happier, healthier people.