I really didn't want to do the whole gender reveal party. My emotions have been all over the place, and I didn't think I could handle dealing with everyone else's feelings and emotions as I was processing my own. But since this is our only time finding out in advance we did want to do something special. Mike picked the gender reveal balls that explode when they hit something hard, and I picked to do it just the 4 of us (plus a friend that came for video taping purposes).
Gender Reveal Balls from Etsy- Awesome!
I polled everyone ahead of time and we were all on team girl. Based on how sick I was feeling, how awful my skin looked, the babies heart rate, gender prediction charts, and how different this pregnancy was from my others... I was 100% team girl. And it seemed like the whole world agreed with me. I would walk past people randomly and they would say, "wow you are definitely having a girl, I can just sense it".
Surprise- We were all wrong! It is a boy!!
I was shocked, legitimately in shock. I really really really felt like this baby was a girl. Of course we are excited about having another boy, being a boy mom is the best. And watching brothers grow up together is really awesome. And above all, having a healthy pregnancy and baby trumps everything. But I would be lying if I said that I didn't also have a moment of sadness. Not at all because we are having a boy, bring on the boys I would take 10 of them, but since we are pretty confident that this is our last baby, I had to mourn the idea of never having a daughter. The hours after finding out was all excitement and celebration. Then around 9:30pm it hit me like a ton of bricks that I will never have the daughter that I have dreamed about having my whole life. The person to share the bond with that I do with my mom. The daughters wedding to plan or the dance recital to do hair backstage for. Also getting to see Mike be a father to a girl, and sending them off on Daddy Daughter dates. Relationships are different between mothers and sons and mothers and daughters (same for fathers with sons vs daughters). They are each special in their own way. So I am blessed to have three boys in my life, but also sad not to experience the other side. I cried for about 24 hours straight. Which of course made me feel guilty, but an emotion I had to process to move forward with embracing our family.
I am glad I had that moment though, I needed it, because since then I really am back to just being excited. What an adventure life is going to be with 3 sons!! I use to be so worried I would never find a guy to love me (back in my sappy single college days) and now look, I will have 4!! We are soooo blessed, and know that this was the baby God wanted for me and we can't wait to meet HIM!
In other pregnancy news-
I am so happy to be about 20 weeks and finally feeling good. The first 16-17 weeks was rough. I was so sick to my stomach every day all day. I threw up frequently, spent all day gagging at the most random things, couldn't eat anything but bagels, and my I wanted to sleep all the time. Plus I have the throw up every time I brush my teeth condition I had with the other pregnancies (unfortunately that normally lasts the entire pregnancy). Luckily that has all slowly faded away and I am feeling back to normal.
The baby's heart rate has been about 160 at each checkup and the ultra sound tech said "wow that is an active baby" (of course he is, he is my son). I have been measuring exactly a week ahead of my estimated due date, which makes more sense to me based on my ovulation schedule (thanks Turks and Caicos for helping us get pregnant!). The official date on the doctors records is July 2, but based on my cycle and all the ultra sounds, the better estimated due date is a week earlier June 25.
Ryan has spread the news to the whole world, and can't wait to be Mom's helper when the baby arrives. He practices every day and tells me all the jobs he will do once baby arrives. Patrick has finally warmed up to the idea and has stopped saying "No I am the baby" every time someone mentions I am pregnant. I think by July he will be excited and ready too.
I am starting to prep for actually getting this baby out. I am going to prenatal yoga more often and recently reaching out to a Doula to work with towards the end of pregnancy and delivery. We are also starting to plan Baby Boy's nursery, we are going with an antique airplane theme this time around. Nothing major, just sprucing the room up so it doesn't exactly the same as when it was Patrick's nursery. Next on our agenda is to pick a name. I am so bad at names, especially boy names (I have had Charlotte Elizabeth in the waiting for 6 years now!). Some maybes are Harrison, Charles, Thomas, Andrew, Alex... who knows. But I seriously want to decide soon. I hate having that decision hanging over my head. I'll keep everyone posted.
Life is good right now. We are all excited and happy and can't wait to see what life in zone coverage parenting will be like!