I get asked all the time- When are you going to try for that baby girl? Are you definitely finished now? Do you think you will have more kids? It is constant. And the one thing I can say is I am very conflicted with my answer. I wish I was one of those moms that "just knew" when their family was complete. That is confident in knowing I am done having kids. I was so hopeful to feel that way. But I don't. The idea of being done makes me sad. I still dream about another baby and doing through it all one more time. I am sad to think that this stage of my life is done and that as Thomas is getting older, I won't ever have that baby again.
Don't get me wrong, I am also excited about parts of the future. The traveling with older kids, not buying diapers, not being a slave to breastfeeding, working on really building my career. That all sounds fun and exciting, but it doesn't outweigh the sadness just yet.
But even though I am not convinced our family is complete, I am pretty sure it is. Because Mike and I are way to logical and calculated to have another. And mainly because of MONEY.
If I didn't have to work and I could just stay home with the baby. If we didn't have to stress about the extra financial cost associated with having a baby (Thomas's birth alone cost $10,000 and that is worth good insurance!1). If our monthly budget had more wiggle room for the extra diapers. If we could not worry about the extra fees associated with 4 kids playing sports and activities. If we could still travel and buy 6 plane tickets and the larger suite rooms on all vacations. If the idea of buying a larger SUV was an option. If I could afford to hire some help when needed, or have cleaners come to the house to ease the work load. If college wasn't so darn expensive....if these topics where not an issue, then we would definitely have one more. The decision really all comes down to money.
So with that decision being made, and knowing we are blessed with 3 beautiful boys, it is time to start getting rid of the baby stuff. I can sell the gear and donate the clothes. I can make plans for when the baby is older to do things we have been waiting to do. I can start working out more and get my body back because for the first time in 7 years I won't be preparing to get pregnant, currently pregnant, nursing, or preparing to get pregnant again :)
It is bitter sweet. Getting rid of the baby clothes is heartbreaking. I have memories of all 3 kids in those outfits. But it is time. The silly green bouncy chair was all 3 boys favorite thing to sit and play in as newborns. I don't want to give it away. But again, it's time. So wish me luck as I transition through this stage. I can tell you one thing, I am enjoying every minute of nursing him, and I cuddle longer in the middle of the night, and I try to spend more time sitting on the floor and playing with him because boy I know it goes fast and I know I'm gonna miss it.
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